Yesterday we had fun telling you how Michael Gove was elected with the help of money from the company that launched NutsTV.

Today we reveal how unsuspecting fans of Jordan and Kerry Katona have actually helped to elect Notting Hill’s brightest - Gove, Ed Vaizey and Grant Shapps.

Little did the viewers of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here realise in 2004 when they were voting for Kerry, Jordan and Peter Andre, they were actually funding a Tory mini-key seats strategy!

Red Fig Limited had retained the contract to provide voting facilities for the hit reality show in January 2004.

According to this Times report, about £970,000 from the £3.5 million generated by phone voting and text messaging during the 15-day series was divided between the ten charities chosen by the contestants incouding the the Variety Club of Ireland, the Devon Air Ambulance Trust and Peter Andre’s choice, the NSPCC.

The rest - more than £2.5 million or 34p from each 50p vote - was distributed between ITV, the taxman, BT and Red Fig.

A look through the Electoral Commmion’s registe of political donations, reveals that between Feb and April 2005, Red Fig paid £13,500 to fund the following Tory Associations:

Wantage (won by Shadown Culture Minister Ed Vaizey) £1,500
Enfield North (lost by Nick De Bois) £1,500
Welwyn Hatfield (won by Shadow Housing Minister Grant Shapps) £2,500
Norfolk North (lost by Dalecroft) £1,500
Thanet South (lost by Mark MacGregor) £4,000
Surrey Heath (won by Gove) £2,000
Braintree (won by Brooks Newmark) £2,000

We wonder how many many viewers would have called or text if they’d have known:

Vote Jordan, Get Gove!

Written by Beyond New Labour on Labourhome

The man who came to London to end the frivolous and unaccountable spending has just paid an invoice for changing lightbulbs during his Mayoral campaign.

The total bill for changing 5 lightbulbs, including £28.98 per hour for 2 hours work (24 mins per bulb) and 10% admin charge, came to £88.81. Efficiency at the heart of the Conservative agenda.

Hat tip to lib dem voice.

Iain Dalecroft, Publisher of Total Bollocks magazine has written a refutation of Tory Education Spokesman Michael Gove’s attack on Lads’ mags Nuts and Zoo.

Recess Monkey unearthed Gove’s hypocrisy earlier today by highlighting his receipt of campaign funds from the company that set up NutsTV (which is not a public service broadcaster in the usual sense of the term).

Here at Recess Monkey Corp we have had a team of investigative reporters recearching this story for weeks now. So it’s surprising that Dale omitted to mention the £1,500 received from Red Fig on 28th February 2005 by Norfolk North Conservative Association.

Now who was the Tory candidate in Norfolk North in 2005?

Oh well, at least Iain Dale knows which side his bread is buttered.

News reaches us that Ian Oakley, the former Watford Tory PPC forced to stand down after being arrested for a hate campaign against Lib Dems, has pleaded guilty to five charges of criminal damage and two of harassment.

He’s also asked for a staggering 68 other offences to be taken into consideration.

The court heard that as part of a campaign of intimidation, he sent the Lib Dem candidate Sal Brinton gay and lesbian magazines.

There’s a silver lining for the Tories.

At least it wasn’t Nuts and Zoo!

Hat tip: Order Order

Update: We couldn’t help but think that this banner on the Watford Conservatives website shows they’ve already met a manifesto commitment!

(Might also be an idea to take down ‘Ian Oakley - a Strong Voice for Watford’ while you’re at it too.)

In these immoral times of easy values and scant virtues, it’s good to see that moral arbiter Michael Gove picking up the mantle of Back to Basics and sticking it to lads mags like Nuts.

Writing on conservativehome he says:

“I believe we need to ask tough questions about the instant-hit hedonism celebrated by the modern men’s magazines targeted at younger males. Titles such as Nuts and Zoo paint a picture of women as permanently, lasciviously, uncomplicatedly available.

“We should ask those who make profits out of revelling in, or encouraging, selfish irresponsibility among young men what they think they’re doing.”

Indeed we should ask those who make profits from the wages of sin.

So Michael, perhaps you’d like to tell us why you took £2,000 in April 2005 and it seems you’re still ‘soliciting’ money from, a company that set up Nuts TV?

A look through the Register of Members Interests reveals Michael was elected thanks to payments to his constituency party from Red Fig Ltd.

Red Fig Ltd, which specializes in interactive television and promised “non-stop TV action,” provided their services for Miss World 2004 and helped to launch – yep, you guessed it, Nuts TV. You can read their very proud press release here.

It seems Gove’s still taking money too – according to his latest register of members interests entry, he says:

“Donations to my constituency association have been solicited or encouraged by me from:

Red Fig (company donation)”

Now we’re sure Michael wouldn’t like to be seen making ‘profits out of revelling in, or encouraging, selfish irresponsibility among young men’ so perhaps he’d consider paying back the good people at Red Fig.

P.S. Interesting to see that Shadow Foreign Affairs Spokesman Keith Simpson has suggested a summer reading list for his colleagues which includes David Runciman’s “Political Hypocrisy.” Looks like someone got an advanced copy!

So if you believe in political hypocrisy, press the Red Button NOW!

We’d like to take this opportunity to apologise for publishing a grave and malicious falsehood.

Readers of yesterday’s post may have been under the impression that Boris Johnson hadn’t done anything in his first 100 days as London Mayor.

But we have been asked to point out that not only did Boris make the brave and difficult decision of paying £400,000 to Porshce but he’s also giving £7million to Venezuela for cancelling a deal that gave half-price travel to 80,000 of the poorest Londoners.

You’ll recall Boris had called the deal, which provides cheap fuel to fund subsidised travel on buses and trams, “completely Caracas.”

So we’d like to apologise for any distress caused to Mr Johnson and look forward to seeing his latest generous donation to a person he described as a “left-wing dictator” detailed on his official ”list of achievements.”

Gracias!

They say that history is written by the winners.

But nowadays, winners can get to delete it.

Next Sunday will be Johnson’s first 100 days since being sworn-in as a London mayor. Recess Monkey wanted to see how he compared against Ken - you know, a kind of political Tale of the Tape to see how the lightweight shapes up to a heavyweight like Livingstone.

So we went looking and a search through the Mayor’s media centre on his website throws up this.

Look at point 2 under the Note to Editors.

Manifesto promises and 100 days of decisions

Then…..nothing.

Zip.

Nada.

Someone has chosen to delete every single achievement and decision from Ken’s first 100 days after being sworn-in as Mayor.

How do we know that they’ve been edited out of history?

Well, whoever did it, didn’t realise that certain aspects of the web get archived and you can’t delete them.

A quick search of Internet Archive revealed this:

It’s the same press release but this time WITH the missing 100 days!

Click here you’ll find the list of achievements Boris didn’t want you to see.

Could it be that when compared to Ken’s BIG achievements of securing £3.2billion of investment for London transport, launching global city partnerships and reflecting London’s diversity by ensuring unprecedented representation of black people, women, and disabled people on Mayor’s boards, Boris looks a bit…well…..sort of…….inadequate.

In fact his notable “decisions” seem to have been:

1. Appoint James McGrath as senior aide
2. Sack McGrath for saying Caribbean immigrants should “go home” if they don’t like London
3. Appoint Ray Lewis as Deputy Mayor
4. Sack Lewis as Deputy Mayor for improper conduct and financial irregularity
5. Announce competition to design a new Routemaster bus

Even his supporters on Conservativehome can only come up with 29!

If only it was so easy to erase Johnson’s first 100 days!

P.S.
Here’s Ken’s full missing 100 in case you can’t click through to it.

A list of 100 decisions over the last 100 days, together with extracts from Mr Livingstone’s election manifesto follows.

Executive action
‘The direct election of a Mayor and Assembly for London will give Londoners back the right to govern their own affairs and decide upon their own priorities.’
91 GLA move to new headquarters confirmed
92 Control of Trafalgar and Parliament Squares and World Squares initiative
93 Car-free Day welcomed
94 Discussions with London boroughs on Capital Standard for Street Cleansing
95 Global city partnership project - first agreement with Berlin
96 Business leaders support for Mayor increases - 63% back his initiatives
97 Backing for Ford workers, and campaign to keep car assembly at Dagenham
98 Housing capacity study
99 Pledge to battle for affordable housing in new developments
100 Go-ahead for London’s New Year’s Eve party

Breaking News…..Boris has announced that he’s backing Barack Obama by saying he would do “wonderful things for the confidence of black people around the world.”

Which leads us to ask the question: “Why’s he done it?”

Is it because:

a) he likes his “watermelon smile” and is a sucker for “piccaninnies?”

b) he’s surprised that the Harvard graduate is so flipping smart or….

c) he’s desperately trying to win diversity points after employing aides who probably wouldn’t let Obama in the country in the first place!

Let’s hope the endorsement from whitey doesn’t make him too uppity.

Yer hear, boy?

A selection of coverage of the “war” or “crisis” in the Labour Party from the British press.

“You’ve agreed to write the article. You want to plunge the knife in. But not too far.” – Jesse Armstrong (Guardian)

“Leading opponents of Mr Brown believe the Cabinet “greybeards” will not wield the knife and that any September revolution will have to be led by backbenchers.” – Patrick Hennessy (Telegraph)

“Denis MacShane attacks the unnamed briefers and those in the media who would knife Gordon Brown.” – Sub editor intro to Denis MacShane (New Statesman)

“Miliband twists the knife over Brown’s gaffes” – Daily Express headline

“You might get rid of someone you don’t like but, in the process, you touch off a positively Corsican cycle of revenge knifings.” – Dan Hannan (Telegraph)

Next week they’ll go back to screeching about teen knife crime and ask how it’s become so acceptable.

Recess Monkey often wonders at what point the use of hyperbole in the UK press will become so ridiculous that variations in Ministers’ dinner choices will become “U-Turns”, cabinet reshuffles will become “nuclear explosions” and the PM greeting continental leaders with kisses on the cheek will become “statutory man rape”.

UPDATE: Paddy’s name has been corrected - just put the knife down - no trouble here…

One positive aspect of Miliband’s non-candidacy is that it’s kept Cameron’s legs out of the press.
But he’s obviously having withdrawl symptoms, after his yearly beach fashion parade and bike theft have become old news.

So who better to attempt to slip him back into the collective consciousness than dear old Dalecroft.

Realising Miliband is a proper wonk, Dale hints that Dave has a “voracious appetite for books” and “one of the best-read people in British politics.”

He event suggests a further reading list for his leader - including Norman Fowler’s “A Polticial Suicide” and “Boris v Ken” by Giles Edwards and Jonathan Isaby.

I’m sure Recess Monkey readers can do a lot better than that and won’t need the inspriation of getting selected for a safe Tory seat.

So what book would you send to Cameron - and please try and keep it clean!
(However, we’re prepared to make exceptions if they’re genuinely hilarious.)